“I want so much that is not here and I do not know where to go.”

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“I wondered what happened when you offered yourself to someone, and they opened you, only to discover you were not the gift they expected and they had to smile and nod and say thank you all the same.”

OK, so probably there might be a reason[1] why, at the age of one of the prime numbers, I am still single. Read with attention because this is probably what you shouldn’t do…

[disclaimer: I love a good pun. Most of my tattoos are silly jokes or potential puns that one day – I may or may not – use. I think that a good story is much more important than the real (and grown up?) shit. I guess – it is more than probable that this is the core and the reason of the most of my misadventures…]

  1. Musical chairs date(s)

The way it sometimes happens, it appeared that two friends of mine and I are having a date on the same day. As all of them were the first dates we have come up with the new game.

What you need are more than two players (check!). Each of them is setting their first date at the same place at the same time[2]. After a half an hour each of you is making up an excuse and you go to the toilet. You exchange all the information one may need. You re-enter the scene – though – you make your way to the table with your friend(s) date. You pick up the conversation where they have left it…

Obviously – the aim is to make as many switches as you can. Obviously – if they don’t find it funny – it’s really not worth it. Word.

  1. Marry me![3]

Recently I was asked to go on a date. Just before we were about to agree on place and time he texted me what are my long-haul plans. “See what happens” – that was my answer. As a reply I have received a following message: “ahh shame, I am looking for marriage by the end of the month x”, followed by the three days of silence. Yesterday a text came stating that – obviously it was a joke[4].

Today UK citizens were voting about leaving or staying in the UK. I am the foreigner (sort of obvious – right?). Part of me (the p/fun loving one) is hoping all of the Brits voted – LEAVE! – because only then I’ll be able to text back: “I really don’t want to leave – and marriage is my only option!”, followed by the list of close-by registries…

  1. Hat Thing

Along the weird sunglasses and masks – I collect hats. I have some that are simply cool, there are few with great stories – but let’s be honest – most of them are pretty dumb. Amongst them – I have a chicken hat and my thinking cap[5].

The game is – you go for a date and once they leave the table for a moment[6] – you put on the first stupid hat. They come back. There are probably three options. They do not react. They find it amusing[7]. They make big eyes and say something. This is exactly the moment when you need to keep the straight face and exchange the hat for even more stupid one[8] – “Does this one work better for you?”..

 

I dare you – try to date my kind…

[1] I should say “reasons” to be correct. But putting aside my social awkwardness (retardedness?), commitment and trust issues, and (obviously!) all of the abbreviations that – put together – just like in the Captain Planet – make me – there is something else…

[2] easy enough, right?

[3] works only HERE & NOW!

[4] this three days in between make me doubt it…

[5] with a propeller – and all the shit.

[6] bar/toilet/whatever…

[7] that probably means they are your kind of a person (just saying).

[8] if they don’t find it funny, I believe, you may as well simply leave. No fun WHAT-SO-EVER.